Accepting the Dusk of Our Youth

I can admit without shame that one of my most intense fears is growing older. It’s the betrayal of the body as we reach a certain age that gets to me so much – the fact that we can break bones with a simple tumble, that we can bump our heads and die because of the weakness of our bones. When I had to put my mom in a senior home care in long island because we were unable to afford keeping her in the home any longer, nor give her the appropriate care that she needed, I felt like that my world was going to die around me. I love her very much and to fail in my responsibility as a son by giving her the comfortable life that she deserves in her dotage, I realized that the same could happen to me. It’s not what I want to happen – I cannot imagine having to ask my family to care for me; I know that my mom always loathed it. She didn’t like to lose her independence because of her age nor did she want to feel like a burden. She was never a burden. Nobody in a family is truly a burden – it is just a fact of life that sometimes we are going to need help from each other. Yet, I’m not qualified to offer all the care that was required for her as she grew older and suffered from various maladies that left her weak and vulnerable to sickness. I hope that there will be a way for me to avoid this – I don’t think I would be able to handle living in a senior care facility but perhaps I will change my mind about such things when I grow older and a little more wiser.

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